Beyond Control
Applying part 2 of Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman.
Coming in midway? Check out the first part of Four Thousand Weeks here.
A sum up of the first 5 chapters of part 2 of Four Thousand Weeks is that time is never in our control. We can measure it. We can reason through it. We can behold it with our watches and phones, but in no way is it within our control.
The notion is repeated chapter after chapter, acknowledging that hitting on different key points, such as presence of mind, relaxation, and patience.
Now that’s great and all, but what changes can we make today that allow us to let go of that which is beyond our control?
The two actions you can take are the following:
(1) Explore: Wander aimlessly
The clock is ticking, and it’s only a few hours before the presentation. All your attention is focused on getting this done. The Slack notification goes off, ringing you to join and present to the stakeholders. The presentation goes live. Like a snap of the finger, it is done before you are waiting for the next assignment after that.
The cyclical loop of preparing, presenting, preparing, presenting can be a tiring thing, where there is a checkpoint/goal each time. It’s like a hedonic treadmill, no end in sight.
When we shift some attention from that treadmill to an open ocean of no goal or mission in sight, we are freed to do whatever we want. Free to wander wherever our mind takes us. One example of this is with philosophical contemplation, where there is no answer, but the discussions permeate relaxation:
“Aristotle argued that true leisure – by which he meant self-reflection and philosophical contemplation – was among the very highest of virtues because it was worth choosing for its own sake, whereas other virtues, like courage in war, or noble behavior in government, were virtuous only because they led to something else.” – Chapter 9, Rediscovering Rest
Wandering allows us to turn away from using the brain, the organ that keeps us alive, to relaxing into the one beautiful gift life has to offer.
Relax a little and explore before choosing another goal to latch onto.
(2) Practice Patience: Sit and watch
One of the stories that stood out in the book was where the author went to look at a painting for THREE hours. Wild right? How could he sit still for three hours, especially with all the distractions and short-form attention we have today?
The beginning reaction was like an addict trying to break free from the chains of sobriety, but as time continued, he understood the painting on a deeper level. In Burkeman’s words, he describes how:
“Philosopher Robert Grudin … describes the experience of patience as ‘tangible, almost edible,’”
Crazy right! It’s some witchery, but now I’m interested in testing it out to see how relaxing and choosing to let ourselves sit brings a new level of immersion and relaxation.
Sit still and see where your mind wanders.
Conclusion
(1) Explore, wander aimlessly, and (2) practice patience, sit and watch, are only two lessons, but there were many quotes I found interesting. We’ll talk further about the final chapters of part 2 next week. In the meanwhile, enjoy some of my favorite quotes with a summarized main point of the chapters read this week!
Chapters Covered
7. We Never Really Have Time
“When we claim that we have time, what we really mean is that we expect it. ‘We assume we have three hours or three days to do something,’ Cain writes, ‘but it never actually comes into our possession.”
“A life spent ‘not minding what happens’ is one lived without the inner demand to know that the future will conform to your desires for it — and thus without having to be constantly on edge as you wait to discover whether or not things will unfold as expected.”
“A plan is just a thought”
Main Point: Time is never guaranteed. We assume we have it.
8. You Are Here
Quotes
‘Because children grow up, we think a child’s purpose is to grow up,’ Herzen says. ‘But a child’s purpose is to be a child. Nature doesn’t disdain what only lives for day. It pours the whole of itself into each moment…Life’s bounty is in its flow. Later is too late.’”
“Just as there will be a final occasion on which I pick up my son – a thought that appals me, but one that’s hard to deny, since I surely won’t be doing it when he’s thirty – there will be a last time that you visit your childhood home, or swim in the ocean, or make love, or have a deep conversation with a certain close friend.”
“Lawyers imbued with the ethos of the billable have difficulty grasping a non-commodified understanding of the meaning of time that would allow them to appreciate the true value of such participation.”
“By trying too hard to make the most of his time, he misses his life.”
Main Point: We never know when it will be our last time with someone. Don’t try too hard to enjoy the moment. That’s all we have.
9. Rediscovering Rest
Quotes:
“When your relationship with time is almost entirely instrumental, the present moment starts to lose its meaning.”
“He insists that some things are worth doing for themselves alone, despite offering no payoffs in terms of productivity or profit.”
Main Point: Measuring time loses its meaning of the passing moment.
10. The Impatience Spiral
“‘It is not simply that one is interrupted,’ writes Parks. ‘It is that one is actually inclined to interruption.’”
“The high achievers of Silicon Valley reminded Brown of herself in her days as an alcoholic.”
“You know you must stop but you also can’t stop, because the very thing that’s hurting you — alcohol — has come to feel like the only means of controlling the negative emotions that, in fact, your drinking is helping to cause.”
Main Point: Overworking is similar to alcoholism. It’s a feeling to be in control of situations. We are not interrupted. We react to interruption.
11. Staying on the Bus
“But as society accelerates, something shifts. In more and more contexts, patience becomes a form of power.”
“Philosopher Robtert Grudin means when he describes the experience of patience as ‘tangible, almost edible,’”
Three Principles of Patience: Develop a taste for having problems. Embrace Radical incrementalism. Originality lies on the far side of unoriginality.
“Stopping helps strengthen the muscle of patience that will permit you to return to the project again and again, and thus to sustain your productivity over an entire career.”
Main Point: The longer we stay, the more we see. The more we differentiate ourselves from the rest. Stay on the bus; Stopping is a muscle. Train it wisely.
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